To gush or not to gush?

bensurpriseIt has been an incredibly loooong couple of weeks. I’ve been sick (which rarely happens!) and dealing with a hideous stye on my eye. Haven’t felt like running.  Things are crazy with kids and homeschooling and holidays… and I’ve missed Benj-ing with my dear friend, Jen, whose wonderful heart and hilarious ways always help me cope with life. So on this day I just needed a flat out, no-holds-barred, uninterrupted drool fest over the man of my dreams.

Except when I sat down at the computer to do it, it was gone. My ‘gush’ — my super power! my outlet! my joy! — was gone. And I was so devastated by the absence of it that I wanted to cry. Or get drunk. Or both. So I did what every good modern-day, red-blooded woman does: I posted about it on Facebook.


And then I closed my laptop and went away feeling blue. That night I tossed and turned, trying to figure out what went wrong; where was my passion for my blog? It wasn’t long before I pinpointed the problem in my heart: it was my spine.

I’m going to assume you’ve read at least some of my blog. You know that sometimes I can’t contain my feelings for and my reactions to Benjamin’s beauty and talent, and many (so many!) times I have not held back in writing out my thoughts about it. Well, I have received some… criticism, for lack of a better word, from different quarters. Some I don’t care about but some I do — a few have been particularly painful, depending on my level of respect for the giver of the negative feedback. And even though I have received a lot of positive responses, somehow it has been difficult for me to get over the bad stuff.

Now I’m not talking about a situation where someone might come to me and say that what I’m writing is hurtful to them personally, or that I am misrepresenting facts — that kind of feedback I welcome and am happy to respond to, because I always desire to 1. keep the peace where I can, and 2. to be accurate. Instead, it is when one gives his or her personal opinion of my writing style, or of my expression of my feelings for Benjamin.

I know that I shouldn’t worry about pleasing everyone, and I just need to write for my own pleasure (that’s why I started this blog in the first place!) but I have found that I DO care about others’ opinions (more than I thought I would), and now I feel like I have those couple of stink eyes looking at me all the time and it is making it difficult for me to cut loose with my thoughts and feelings. I’m battling with letting those few critical words take the joy out of it for me.

My recent blog article about the song Night Spots was tough to write because I so wanted to gush about what Benji’s bass does to my insides, but I felt like I ‘had’ to keep it on track. I read it now and it just leaves such a bitter taste in my mouth because I didn’t mention his name once. Not ONCE. Can you believe it??? Makes me want to cry. And it’s my OWN fault, being so influenced by a couple of people who have a different opinion about how to honor Benjamin. And that personal weakness makes me crazy, and I’m irritated with myself for not having more of a spine when I wrote it.

Graphic courtesy of @Night_Spots

So later, when I checked back in on Facebook I wanted to cry again (am I usually this emotional??? I don’t know!) but this time it was because of the loving, funny, and steadfast support of some of the sweetest friends I have met in the Benj world. They posted photos and assurances and hilarious comments that not only made me swoon (!), but reminded me of why I jumped into this crazy thing in the first place: because I adore Benjamin, and I want to share that with other like-minded people and be able to obsess *together*.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’ve decided that I don’t care about what other people think. I do. I just need to be true to myself — and get a stronger backbone. Writing about Benjamin brings me so much happiness! Yes, I do get silly, but I also write some serious pieces, and I hope that all Cars fans will find something they enjoy here. But if you’ve read my blog and you don’t like it then I thank you for giving it a try and I wish you well, but please don’t feel compelled to read further.

Now that all of that is off my chest I think I can move forward with a good old-fashioned gush session… Stay tuned!

16 thoughts on “To gush or not to gush?

  1. Know how you feel. Other people just like to spoil others fun. I keep my gushing to the occasional gush on Twitter or on my private instagram, but mostly in my head. Keep up with the blog, I love it.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. SPJ, you know what I’ve told you privately. Love your blog, love your writing, love our man, gush..gush..gush! Those who don’t care, don’t understand, don’t have to read it. You’re always authentic, positive, classy, complimentary, and respectful of Benjamin and his amazing talent. I’m sure he would appreciate that. Love ya!

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I hope you don’t mind my saying this . . . I personally feel like your thoughts here resonate with how I used to get discouraged and sad when I first started my DR page — I had so much criticism {and even hate!} directed at me for even daring to believe I could make a proper tribute to David, let alone keep in touch with him {hey, he messaged me first!} with most people attacking me over daring to show affection//enthusiasm in the slightest in my posts, and especially over my age, saying I don’t deserve to even love//listen to The Cars *at all*, because I was just a “stupid little girl”.

    Hence a big reason why I’m so grateful there are more younger fans around, such as Billie, who has faced similar problems, so we can console with one another now — and you might not know this, but I’ve actually quit my DR page twice over the past six years due to bullying and drama — I always found “Orrites” {as they used to go by} to be the most vicious to each other. It’s like they forget that the admiration//adoration of Benjamin {and any musician//person, honestly} is supposed to come from a place of utmost love and respect; instead they want to turn it into possessiveness and a horror story.

    Just my two cents, since I’ve seen so much drama go down in The Cars community {on Facebook, at least} over the years — any wonder I distance myself so much? =/ I love your blog, Donna, I really do. You’re bright, cheerful, and your respect and love for Benjamin is *oh-so-incredibly* refreshing!♡ Stay close to your real friends and supporters — I know I would’ve given up a long time ago if it hadn’t been for my twin Micky, and David Robinson himself.

    {P.s. My apologies for the heavy, slightly cynical comment! Just being real.}

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much for your honest comments! I am finding through feedback from this article that there are SO many similar stories — what the heck? Why do some people feel like they ‘own’ Benjamin and The Cars and try to impose their will on other fans??? I.just.don’ I’m thankful that you haven’t totally given up, Sha. I love your love for David, and your words give me courage. Glad we’re in this together, my friend.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I love your blog! I’m so glad I found it as I’ve recently become obsessed with beautiful Benjamin and there isn’t much written about him. Plus I’m too old for this school girl crush I have on him but I do anyway! You are a very good writer and I thank you for this blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I for one am very glad to see from more recent posts that you have gotten your gush back. You also have way more spine stability than I could ever claim, because the object of my not-so-secret obsession is never going to have a cool blog dedicated to him – I know stupid and hurtful comments would disparage me to the point where I’d just hang it up. So kudos and cheers to you! The fact is, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we’ll “just blog for ourselves,” we don’t really. As soon as things are out there, people can unleash on our thoughts and dreams and dedications, and short of moderating comments heavily and sending veiled death threats to crab apples (that’s just a joke! don’t do that, kids!), we can only choose between continuing on or throwing in the towel. Again, I am happy you decided to keep going. Firstly, by having your blog out here, you’ve helped me get out of a pretty bad musical slump that had been going on for almost a year. Secondly, without you I would not have known that there will be a book soon (yay!), and I live to read. Here’s to many more happy years of blogging about a gorgeous man who deserves all that love and care.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, thank you so much for your supportive and kind words! I’m am amazed that my scribblings have had an impact, and so happy that they have. And cheers to you for rising up out of the pit; we’ve all been there, for sure. (I’m curious who your “not-so-secret obsession” is.) ❤ Thanks again for commenting, and keep in touch!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I like to give credit where credit is due 🙂 My person in question is David McComb of the Triffids. His friends are doing a great job of keeping his legacy going, though, and I hear that the documentary about him is just about finished, too. There are three books, two about him and his work with his band and a book of poetry, all three labors of love put together by friends, basically. The director of the film is a music journalist who only met him once for a botched interview, but remains so dedicated to the music that he spent years assembling material for the doco. I am grateful to people like you and Joe and Jon and everyone else who invests themselves in making sure the light shines on.

        Liked by 2 people

  6. Donna, Though you are not the first girl to fall in love with our boy, you may be the first to blog about him in such a professional mamner. Most of us in the fandom don’t have the skill level that you bring but we do have so much fun just getting it out there that it’s okay in what ever form it takes on. Perhaps your a bit to hard on yourself. Let yourself go and enjoy the positive energy you get and give. Your refrain has been notable. I hope you find your cash back to the fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. SPJ your an ORRSOME friend, love you dearly and your work is the best! Benja-stories and All About The Benjamin anything is ORRSOME! Keep up the great work my Sweet Purple June Friend💜💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

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